They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
