those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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