i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
