she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
