your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
