I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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