You made me cry and you don't even care
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
