I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
