Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
