Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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