I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
