the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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