Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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