70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
