I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
