i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
