If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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