i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
