I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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