Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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