i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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