yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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