Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
