If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
