Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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