woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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