I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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