I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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