U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
