You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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