walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
