Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
