he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
