woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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