the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
