I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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