I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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