Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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