i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
