can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
