Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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