how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
