just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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