we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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