great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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