Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
