Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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