fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
