Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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