i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
