Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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