you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
