I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
