there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
