Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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